and so this chapter comes to an end.

thank you to those who have taken the time to read this journal.

as this door closes, somewhere, another one opens.

life goes on ---> http://www.livejournal.com/users/cat_eyes_gb

Sunday, September 18th, 2005
4:58 am	im pathetic 5 am should be sleeping. i think im going crazy from sleep deprivation. maybe what Grandma was telling me could be true, that lack of sleep can cause insanity. well, one thing's for sure, it's gonna get me one way or the other. i can already feel some chest pains. but i don't want to sleep. ------------------- the past week hasn't been good to me. i've been smoking more, eating less, sleeping less. took a leave from work and just bummed around the house. mind still burdened with things. missing Partner so very, very much it's killing me. literally. ------------------------------------- applied for another writing gig. don't think i can do SEO writing anymore, it just isn't cost effective. saw this ad looking for horror novel writers, dunno what it's about but it sounds a lot better than writing about "bedwetting cures" and "chapter 13 bankruptcies". besides, littering an article with keywords as thick as the froth on a Starbucks "chino" just rubs me the wrong way. probably because redundancy is a SIN! ---- this is the 5th time i've opened LJ the whole day. i realize that it has become one of the highlights of my daily routine; reading LJ entries. it has become one of the simple joys of mine as of late, a telltale sign that something is terribly wrong with my life. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
4:49 am	~to Partner~ Akira Yamaoka - You're Not Here (Silent Hill 3 OST) Blue sky to forever The green grass blows in the wind, dancing It would be a much better sight with you, with me If you hadn't met me, I'd be fine on my own, baby Never felt so lonely, then you came along So now what should I do, I'm strung out, addicted to you My body aches, now that you're gone My supply fell through Gladly gave me everything you had and more You craved my happiness When you made me feel joy it made you smile But now I feel your stress Love was never meant to be such a crazy affair, no And who has time for tears Never thought I'd sit around and cry for your love 'Till now (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 17th, 2005
3:39 am	from cara-chan... cuz it's fun to fill out surveys! 1.Hey honestly, where ya at? >> at the computer. my mind, it's somewhere else. 2. Honestly, have you ever failed a subject at school? >> only Math/Math related subjects 3. Honestly, what's on your mind? >> please don't pull at that thread... 4. Honestly, who are you chatting online with now? >> no one. it's 4 am. 5. Honestly, what is it that you REALLY should be doing right now? >> sleeping. 6. Honestly, have you brushed your teeth today? >> yup. 7. Honestly, who are your best friendS in the world? >> im fortunate enough to be blessed with quite a few. 8. Honestly, who is the hottest person you know? >> uh, whoever~ 9. Honestly, are you a good friend? >> no, im sure of it XD 10. Honestly, do you really think going to school is important? >> yeah, to those who have to be forced to learn things. 11. Honestly, what are your dreams about, mostly? >> losing my teeth. hiding and escaping. leaping and gliding. 12. Honestly, who/what makes you happy most of the time? >> playing/making music and Partner. 13. Honestly, what are you so sad about right now? >> Partner. 14. Honestly, how old are you now? >> 23 15. Honestly, what song are you listening to right now? >> Silent Hill 4: The Room OST - Nightmarish Waltz 16. Honestly, who do you want to meet at this very moment? >> meet? uh, dunno. anybody will do~ 17.Honestly, where do you like to be kissed? >> hmmm, i really don't like being kissed, except by my lover. lots but mostly on the lips. 18.Honestly, do you have a deadly disease? >> geez, i hope i don't. 19.Honestly, do you hate someone right now? >> hate is a strong word... disappointed maybe. at Partner. 20.Honestly, who do you wanna hug right now? >> Partner. 21.Honestly, are you bored? >> no. 22.Honestly, who do u wanna slap right now?. >> im not really fond of hurting people. 23.Honestly, may minamahal ka ba? >> Yes. 24.Honestly, pakiramdam mo ba gusto ka nya? >> i know she loves me. 25.Honestly, have you said what u feel for him/her? >> yes sure. 26.Honestly, naisip mo na ba mag-suicide? >> yeah, before. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1.FAVORITE BREAKFAST IS.. - pancakes with tea or coffee 2. THE MOVIE I'VE WATCHED MOST NUMBER OF TIMES IS.. - its either Con Air or Sabrina (Julia Ormond) 3. LEAST FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL... - MATH!!! 4. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY CAR IN THE WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE? - i promised myself that i'd own a Mercedes Benz. 5. FAVORITE HOUSEHOLD CHORE? - Cooking. which isn't really a chore for me. 6. WHEN I WAS A KID I DREAMT OF BECOMING.. - earliest career choice? being a farmer, i think. 7. FAVORITE COLOR(s)? - Blue 8.FAVORITE PERFORMERS - Gackt, Steve Vai 9. WHEN I DIE, I'D RATHER BE CREMATED OR BURIED? - whatever is more practical 10. IF I COULD REPEAT COLLEGE, I'D TAKE... - is this a trick question? ^^ 11. THREE THINGS I CAN'T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT? - Money, house keys 12. FIRST THING I WOULD BUY WITH MY FIRST SALARY... - this month's salary? cologne for Partner. 14. IF A BOOK WAS MADE INTO A MOVIE, WOULD YOU STILL BOTHER TO READ THE BOOK? - no. i know, im guilty. 15. SPECIALTY IN COOKING? - Chicken Curry 16. PRESENT CRUSH? - dunno. VJ Iya, i guess. 17. FAVORITE HANG-OUT? - Isis, house with Partner 18. BEST PLACE TO SHOP? - ukay ukay, Greenhills 19. FAVORITE PLACE IN YOUR HOUSE? - couch 20. WHAT TIME IS IT? - 4:15 am 21. WHAT KEY IN YOUR KEYBOARD DO YOU USUALLY PRESS? - ctrl 21. YAHOO OR HOTMAIL? - Yahoo! 22. LEFT OR RIGHT? - depends. writing: right. fretting: left. 23. BLACK OR WHITE? - black 24. BLACK OR BLUE PEN? - blue 25. SANDALS OR SHOES: - shoes 26. COLGATE OR HAPPEE: - Colgate 27. FLOSS OR TOOTHPICK - toothpick 28. CHOPSTICKS OR SPOON AND FORK? - Chopsticks/Spoon 29. JOLLIBEE OR MCDO? - chicken or burger? 30. COKE or PEPSI? - neither 31. SAN MIG LIGHT, LONE STAR LIGHT OR REDHORSE? - San Mig Light 32. HOPE OR CAMEL - HAHA! Cheapass~ 33. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO? - sister 34. LAST PERSON WHO TEXTED YOU? - boss alfa 35. LAST PERSON WHO MADE YOU LAUGH/SMILE? - no one. laugh: Buko the bunny. 36. LAST PERSON WHO MADE YOU CRY? - can't remember 37. THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? - can't remember 38. WHY DID YOU CRY? - can't remember (3 Comments |Comment on this)
12:30 am	~the lover~ "In my restless dreams, I see that town. You promised you'd take me there again someday, But you never did. Well Im alone there now... In our special place... Waiting for you..." (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 13th, 2005
1:10 am	mind games got a cool new avatar~ its from the movie/series "Hellraiser". just love that show ;) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- hmmm, im having a hard time singing and memorizing john rzeznik's lyrics. probably cuz half of it doesn't make any sense. i also used to discount his singing voice, now i realize what he was doing was hard stuff. so i have to practice, practice, practice. on the guitar, practicing was quite easy. but with singing its quite different. i though i could just practice at home. it sounded alright, but come studio and mic, i run out of wind on the first 2 songs... very frustrating, really. ------------------------- well, that's practically all that has happened to me this week. still have some disturbing things on my mind but i think im starting to come to terms with it (more like getting used to it). ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- went to bed really late last night, about 6:30 am. i stayed up and watched this movie on HBO. some comedy starring Matthew Broderick. ------------------ *sigh* i just hope i get a break before my wick burns out. and i also hope i don't do something stupid and hurt myself/my loved one just because of these mind games :( (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 11th, 2005
11:29 pm	comments. from cara-chan 1.Name 3 schools you went to. : San Pablo City Central School : UP Rural Highschool : UP Los Banos 2.Name 3 dream vacations of all time. : Anywhere! As long as im with my Love (and some spending money wouldn't hurt) : : 3.Name 3 favorite fastfood : KFC : Sbarro : Arby's (too bad it's gone now, love the burger) 4.Name 3 usual things found in your bag. : cologne : house keys : sunglasses 5.Name 3 favorite Hangouts. : Monchet's Place : Isis : haus w/Partner 7.Name 3 favorite songs : Gackt - Mizerable : Failure - Enjoy The Silence : Duran Duran - Out Of My Mind 8.Name 3 things you would like to do right now? : be with Partner : have some money : yosi break (which im gonna do right now) 9.Name 3 most valuable possessions. : Hate (my red Fender Squire given to me by mom, wouldn't trade it for anything) : Zoom 707 II and Ibanez electric : that's about it 10.Name 3 things you are addicted to. : sleeping late : computer : music 11. Name 3 career choices : ROCKSTAR! mehehe~ : cook/chef : writer 12. Name 3 goals for 2005. : submit a demo : gain muscle mass (if it were possible) : steady income 13. Name 3 plans for next week : band practice : photoshoot with Johann (i think?) : visit Partner (hopefully) 14. Name 3 favorite drinks. : Tea : San Mig Light : water 15. Name 3 favorite movies : Dead Man On Campus : BaseketBall : Brain Candy 16. Name 3 favorite books : Hyperspace : textbooks : short stories 17. Name 3 favorite colors : blue : white (i know it isn't a color) : black ('') 18. Name 3 favorite shows : Mad TV : Frasier : Friends 19. 3 romantic places for dating : somewhere with good food : and relaxing atmosphere : and closes late 20. 3 favorite clothes to wear: : baby tee : jeans : my faithful Diadora canvas shoes. yup, the one with the huge gaping hole. hardcore ako eh, bakit ba? XD 21. 3 hot names for girls: : not really particular about names, anything will do ;) : : 22. 3 habits you have: : smoking : not eating on time : sleeping late 23. 3 hollywood women actors you like: : Jenna Elfman : Rachel Weiss : Diane Lane 24. 3 words you love to hear: : here's : some : money 25. 3 women you'd like to date: : date lang? gimme ALL the cute girls out there! (but of course, Partner is my only one!) : : (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, September 9th, 2005
10:53 am	last night went out drinking last night. i spent money, treated some friends,. had lots of cigarettes. usually i'd be kicking myself over by this time but uncanny as it might be, im feeling not a tinge nor twang of regret. i even feel as if it was money well spent. --------------------- after drinking, we went to a friend's house for some coffee. deep into the evening, or should i say morning, the train of conversation led to the topic of having a plan. yeah, a LIFE PLAN. not an insurance plan or something like that, but a grand design or the big picture in which to pattern your life after. finding your niche in life. life, life, life. plan, plan, plan. so... ate yumi kinda blurted out the fact that she doesn't really have this "life plan", and the fact that's she's already 2(bleep! anyways, im younger, mehehe~) was a bit disturbing for her. and your's truly, once again give's his unsolicited two cents on the matter. uh yeah, it's cuz im so smart and my life is the object of envy of many. anyways, i said that the trick was to do something that you love and make sure you get just enough money off it to keep you alive, something like that. ...at that point, something, someone inside me snapped and said: "you self-absorbed, conceited BEYOTCH! you're in no position to give advice, any kind of advice, to anyone at anytime. look at your life, it is in shambles. don't you drag down anybody else with you!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ the past few days saw me with a heavy burden that starved me and deprived me of sleep. it was and is driving me insane! unfortunately, can't talk about it here. topic too sensitive. no, i didn't get a girl knocked up or something like that. don't worry. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- i've been incredibly lax as of late. when i get some time off from work, its either i just watch tv, surf or sleep in when i should be composing or practicing. methinks that my problems are God's way of saying, "get off your ass and make something happen already, you lazy bum!" now the band, or rather i, am coming under pressure again. johann told me he might finally be going to london at the end of october, that gives me just about a month to get the compositions in order. i hate it when this happens! i strongly believe that good music should not be forced or hurried. but the fact remains, johann might be my last chance for this. if he goes, that means the band has to shell out for a decent recording. SLOTH: this is my sin. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 7th, 2005
3:06 am	a loss for words 3:21 am. finishing the last article. ----------------------------------- if you guys could just see what my favorite cup looks like... the insides are f**kn' brown! ----------------------------- been drinking insane amounts of tea. it's the work, i tell ya! or maybe not... all i can say is that the Capulets are on the offensive again. they're hunting me down, and they won't let Partner out of the house anymore. now i dread hearing the beep beep and ring ring of my phone. what's bad is they're f**kn' pester my mom if they can't get to me!!! --------------------------------------------------------------------- so many things to write about, but now im at a loss for words... LITERALLY! i've written a total of 20 articles, 600 words each on the average, in about 5 days. my brain now looks like a Boggle box. if you could see my writing, you'd swear, it's like reading "Flowers For Algernon". I went from Frasier english to Foxworthy english and never recovered. i've been asking for the simplest grammatical corrections from my sister, and all she could say was "dude... you just gotta stop." it was such a shame. boss assigned me to write 10 articles about video game consoles and some about power tools and guitar playing but i didn't get to enjoy writing about those topics because i was already burnt out. haven't gotten a decent sleep in days. even got into an argument with dad over this job. ------------------------------------------------- my sister got mugged the other day. she came home late because of the work at Perspective (yeah, the school paper). her bag, her wallet, everything was taken from her by two men on a motorcycle. good thing she didn't get harassed. so the news got out. she had to tell mom and dad, hoping that they could do something about the situation. what she really wanted was for them to get her a place in los banos. so they asked me to go look for a place there. "di ako pwede bukas, deadline ko na bukas may 3 articles pa ko." those kinds of answers just infuriates the hell out of my dad. but what can i do? it's true, i had to finish my work. i needed the money since i almost never get any from them. correction: i never get any money from them. if i do receive any money, it's from my lola. so yeah, the argument escalated to raised voices. he was saying i never get to do anything for the family, i told him since they never give me money, they better compensate me for my time if i were to drop my work (which i shouldn't have said). dad was kinda insisting that i do both. i do work and i do something for the family. IDEALLY, that's what should happen really, but at this point is quite impossible for me to do. it has only been a month or so since i got this gig, if i lose it, who's gonna take care of me financially? i dunno, the stress just got to me i guess. i kinda blurted out something to this effect: "work is work. if you want i'll just drop my assignments..." if there's one thing my dad hates, it's being cornered. he almost shouted at me when he said: "hinde! pwede mo gawin yun pareho, ayaw mo lang gawin!" to which i retorted: "yeah right. it happened to you, and it's happening to me now. alam mo kung pano nangyayari sa trabaho, nawalan ka nga ng oras dati sa amin eh. pinalaki nyo kaming ganito, you can even ask these two..." as i pointed to my sisters who were at that time. everything kinda ended right there. it was a win, but it was not a good win. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- now im just tired, tired, tired. a lot of things happened this week but im just too tired to write about it. :( (14 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, September 2nd, 2005
1:02 am	happy monthsary spent the afternoon with Partner at galleria. had to celebrate our monthsary in advance since she won't be able to go out on sunday (yup that's our day. the 4th) advanced happy monthsary Partner! Saranghye <3 oh, and a happy birthday to lourdes too :) (16 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005
4:23 am	:( what i did today: - work - get hurt by someone i love yes, she did something (again) today which really crushed me. but something's different... i feel the callouses starting to harden. it hurt a lot, i admit, but i was able to go on through. i finished my work for today, interacted with my family as if everything was alright with me. im starting not to care. ------------------------ http://www.geocities.com/cat_eyes_gb tried to revive my old site so i don't have to keep linking my mp3s here. besides, angelfire suspended my acct. screw you angelfire. -------------------- i wonder what tomorrow has in store for me? (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 20th, 2005
2:16 am	Kuni_Jam_3.mp3 *sigh* it hasn't been a good day. -------------------------- Partner let me down again. but i won't go into the details of what happened today. im just not in a ranting mood right now. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ gotta defrag this shitty computer of mine one of these days. it fucks up every recording i do! i can't export midi to .wav files or do recording without it having a click or a slip, which ruins my best takes. damn it! im just so damn pissed off with everything... so i just tried to "spacing out" with a spur of the moment recording. ---> http://www.angelfire.com/band3/cat_eyes_gb/Kuni_Jam_3.mp3 please forgive the clicks and slips. *sigh* (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
2:36 am	i can't sleep i can't sleep. something's bothering me. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 16th, 2005
5:34 pm	Kuni_Jam_2 tried to do some crazy "out-of-the-box" soloing. i failed miserably. this recording proves that i cannot shred properly. *sigh* http://www.angelfire.com/band3/cat_eyes_gb/Kuni_Jam_2.mp3 i hope you listen to it anyway ------------------------------ must've done almost a hundred takes all in all with this one. it's either the computer fucks up or i mess it up or the static builds up in the cables, etc. but at least i learned a few things in the process... i was actually planning to do the background on an acoustic guitar cuz it'll sound better, but there were too may people in the house, i couldn't mike up the acoustic properly without eliminating the background noise. oh well, that's life :) still haven't figured out how to eliminate the noise. maybe i oughta buy a new soundcard. i didn't get to finish it last night, but i was so excited. it was the first thing i did after waking up, didn't even get to do some warm-ups. bad move. now my hand hurts. it's so obvious that i haven't been practicing. before, i used to put in at least 4 hours a day (cuz i wanted to be a shredder! muahaha! now i know it'll never be). now it has been months since i did some "real" practicing, let alone learned something new. why is that? maybe these past few months i thought i was happy... eh, i don't know. *shrugs* ah, who cares! i had fun, took my mind off problems even for a brief moment :) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ survey from Ricah_Haruna 10 years ago: I was in high school, enjoying life. 5 years ago: I was in college, wearing all black and being angsty. 1 year ago: Got into a band, did a gig. Formed a band, did gigs. yesterday: Got disappointed with someone i really love. tomorrow: is just another opportunity to spite HIM. 5 snacks i enjoy: - coffee/vanilla ice cream - sushi/maki - coffee/tea and cookies - pizza - street food 5 bands/artists that i know the lyrics to most of their songs: - A Perfect Circle - The Goo Goo Dolls - Tool - Tears For Fears - The New Radicals 5 things i would do with $100,000,000: - invest it - buy equipment, put up a recording studio (i pretty much bust it all here) but if there's still some left... - open our restaurant, the one with the reading area. (me and Partner's business) - charity - give some to my parents 5 locations i would like to run away to: - anywhere, as long as im with the one i love. - - - - 5 bad habits i have: - smoking - drinking - being lazy - being uber possessive - rationalizing everything 5 things i like doing: - learning - making music - sex - cooking - doing sports 5 things i will never wear (or wear again): - a skimpy pair of swimming trunks, un lng :) - - - - 5 tv shows i like(d): - Conan O' Brien - Cooking Shows - Friends - Frasier - Mad Tv 5 movies i like: - Dark City - American Psycho - Pi - Waking Life - Hellraiser 5 people i'd like to meet (alive or dead): - Stephen Hawking - Michio Kaku - Steve Vai - Maynard James Keenan - Paganini 5 biggest joys at the moment: - Playing Music - - - - 5 favorite toys: - PC - Guitar - Violin - Power tools - lego 5 people that i pick to do this thing: - Iskambal - Cara-chan - Langoyera - Kira-Chan - Anyone who wants to! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 13th, 2005
2:27 am	Kuni - Jam trying out some recording on the PC. yes, i skipped a day of work just to record this piece of crap. please do listen to it. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.geocities.com/cat_eyes_gb/Kuni-Jam.mp3 if that doesn't work, try this one http://www.angelfire.com/band3/cat_eyes_gb/Kuni_Jam.mp3 ------------------------------------------------------- i did the drums, synth and bass on Guitar pro. it's just midi. did 3 layers of guitar on an electric guitar, plugged into a Zoom 707 and into a CMI8738/C3DX 4 Channel PCI sound card. had to do this in one take. if i do more the PC hangs and then i have to reset (which takes an awful lot of time). anyway it's just an attempt to record, don't expect much. if anyone knows of a better way to record (especially the drum parts), how to eliminate background noise, etc. please comment/email me ---> cat_eyes_gb@yahoo.com (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, August 12th, 2005
2:28 am	strike two... geez, just when everything was going fine and dandy... say it in tagalog so it'll have more impact: POOTAH! DI MAN LANG UMABOT NG IKATLONG ARAW! POOTAH! POOTAH TALAGA! ---------------------- something i read in an interview with Trent Reznor, and i can't help but agree. it has been inculcated into my principles ever since. "i tend to welcome happiness with mistrust and fear, for i know it is the harbinger of something bad." a calm before the storm if you will. it raises you higher, so that you'll fall down harder. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- after a long time, too long in fact. i am reunited with Partner. the last weekend, we did badminton with her friend, it was the only way she could get out of the house. even though it wasn't quality time, it was good enough for me. we had to see each other because things were getting a little rocky. we had a good time, and it actually did good for our relationship. long story short, we just really missed each other. we were planning to get some time alone with each other this weekend. wednesday to sunday in fact. she had an excuse to get out of the house. we were looking forward to playing badminton, meeting friends, eating, going to the mall, being together etc. just plain and simple fun with each other's company. we really had high hopes. high hopes. ------------------------------------- i was just telling her... "everything's going great, parang nakakatakot ah. baka pagkatapos naman nito may mangyari nanaman. we have to be careful" bit my tongue on that. ---------------------- now i am back in the province. against my will. she's incarcerated at their house. against her will. wednesday, thursday. but no more friday, saturday and sunday. a spy saw Romeo and Juliet together. then the House of Capulet started firing arrows. Romeo was threatened. if he does not refrain, they said, the gallows will be waiting. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- if you only knew how lovers thirst and yearn for each other, you'd be the first one to douse us with fresh spring water! ------------------- now we don't know how, where, and when we can get to be together again. our world is getting smaller every day, and we still have ten months to tackle. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- strike two! just one more and the ballgame is over. (1 Comment |Comment on this)

Forgot to put these blog entries...

Monday, July 11th, 2005
1:11 am	it is finished yes! i finished all my articles for the week, 1 day ahead of deadline! now i am ready for my... *kaboom/confetti* 1000 PESOSESOSES!!! (more or less) *twinkle/sparkle* which is roughly equivalent to: - 35 bottles of San Mig Light at Isis - 8 movie tickets at Gateway - 4 1/2 back and forth bus rides to manila - 1/6th the price of the camera/DV Partner and i are trying to buy. but what can i do, we need money. i don't have my diploma. all im good at is writing and making music and other odd jobs). but bards and scribes are only good for charming the villagers and nothing more. the work occupies almost the whole of my day. i don't even get to play/practice my guitar/violin anymore. pretty soon i think im going to have to get glasses, my eyes are hurting more and more. i just tell myself, "beats working at a fastfood joint". besides, facing the computer all day requires me to keep exercising. hence my push-ups and stretching. i also have the luxury of working here at home. i probably wouldn't be doing this if not for Partner. but we swore, she'll deal with her studies while i'll work on, well, work so we can realize our plans and fulfill our dreams. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- all day the television is turned on and tuned in on ANC. the oh-so-valiant-but-overtly-predisposed/biased declamations and filibustering of our dear politicians serve as my background music for work. i really don't know what to make of this ERAP Trial... oh sorry, Wiretapping Inquiry (lately it confuses me as to what they're really showing on TV, because it looks all so the same. i keep on hearing the words "step down", "impeachment" etc.), but im truly concerned because i can already feel its repercussions on my wallet, and on my safety and the safety of my loved ones. jeepney fares are now sky high, good thing we only use the bus/MRT but i know they're bound to raise prices soon. Partner's school and house is near Malacanang, so i think my worries are quite valid. It also hurts me to think that while im here in the province (where nothing ever happens), she's there where the threat of danger is real, and im not there to protect her. Even i am afraid for myself, i ride the bus all the time and the fear of getting bombed is there in my head. It was easy to dismiss it before, kept telling myself that it couldn't happen to me but then this G-Liner (or RRCG sumthin') bus got bombed in Ayala, and i saw it in the news on the BUS TV going home! It happened an hour after i left Ayala/Glorietta... --------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes it makes me think. Is it still worth it? You work and work for a meager pay that ultimately leaves your hands in an instant, and for what? For a meal, when you know you'll get hungry again in a few hours? For a shirt that gets snagged and torn as you climb on to the bus? For the cellphone load (an obvious capitalist ploy that has become as essential as air for most of us) which inevitably flutters away, peso by precious peso. For that stick of cigarette, when you just can take the stress anymore... I just console myself by thinking that im earning this money not for what, but for whom. (Comment on this)
Friday, July 8th, 2005
10:15 am	and im off! lately i've been getting mixed feelings about something... i feel like such a lying whore. ------------------------------- The Music - Into The Night Tonight we'll start a fire You know we'll let it burn Somehow we'll over come it I'll never know I can't stop thinking about it It's eating away inside Believe me when I tell you It's mine You now know I decided long ago I was gonna be with you But into the night we both will go And find our own way A thousand lights above us We're gonna let them shine What comes first tomorrow Or maybe the next life Cos you live for the weekend And I live forever And you say you don't need it I don't know You don't know I decided long ago I was gonna be with you But into the night we both will go And find our own way I decided long ago I was gonna be with you But into the night we both will go And find our own way Do you know Do you know Whoa woe Do you know Do you know Whoa woe I'm taking my things Leaving behind All of the pain you've caused me And I never want you Back in my life Back in my life In my life I can't stop thinking about it It's eating away inside Believe me when I tell you It's mine You now know I decided long ago I was gonna be with you But into the night we both will go And find our own way I decided long ago I was gonna be with you But into the night we both will go And find our own way Yeah, we will find our own way Do you know Do you know Whoa woe -------- i want to be man enough to face the truth. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
1:18 am	beery good~ "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." ~ Ernest Hemingway ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ eh, i've given up my appetite for alcohol. well, i do hope so. i usually have the tendency to ask for more after having 3 bottles. especially if i have my Marlboro and something sweet (yes, i munch on sweets while drinking), and with that ISIS atmosphere... The clinking of the glasses, the audible but unobtrusive tapping on the coffee grind bin, the murmur of abstemious banter wafting through the air, it is the sirens' song which makes the bitter brew sweet, and the sad stories even sweeter. the past month saw one of my barkadas come down with girl problems. he's always inviting me to drink at isis, or at oyster boy (at araneta) just to vent and to seek advice. and somehow we never got a good conversation going without beer. Isis (Los Banos): 2 orders of Isis tokwa, 8 bottles of San Mig Light each. weepy stories. casualties: just got home really late, told parents i got caught in traffic at SLEX. but i reeked with the smell of alcohol and smoke, i doubt that they bought it. Oyster Boy (Araneta): 1 order of porkchop, 1 order of crispy squid, 10-11 bottles of San Mig Light each. Dissecting text messages for hidden meanings. casualties: our finances obviously. rode a jeepney to Gate 5, but rode all the way to Antipolo (or Taytay, who knows?). slept on the way home, awoke and found my face on the lap of some female passenger, distinctly hearing the driver say "miss nagbayad na ba yang kasama mo?". made a swift graceful exit, thought it was a slick move, until i realized that i handed the driver 100 pesos and didn't ask for change. which explains why he drove off so fast (ok, his move was way slicker). disoriented i tried to gather my wits, but then found that i got down on a FUCKIN' FORK! wasn't enough that i didn't know whether i was supposed to go north or south, i had to choose whether i had to go LEFT or RIGHT! then i knew i had to puke... long story short, i had to retrace my path. luckily i flagged down an EDSA bound jeepney and pretended i knew where my stop was. i landed at Shaw. got a bus back to Araneta. and got a jeep to Gate 5 (again!), got the wrong jeep again! fortunately i was sober enough to "para", took another jeep (this time, the right one) walked home. crashed on the bed naked, forgot to close the door, surprised the neighbors with a "standing ovation" (get it?) next day. and those are just PG-13 of my adventures with beer. with hard liquor, oh boy... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- IT"S FRIDAY... and im going out later to visit Partner. my barkada is probably going to text me to drop by LB. i've been having beer hunger pangs as of late. hmmm... -------------------------------------------------------------- sometimes i think this is the reason why God doesn't give me a lot of money. He knows i'll probably spend it on vices and such. can't blame him, cuz' i might. (11 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 6th, 2005
7:53 pm	Monchet took his hardisk away from me!!! Wah! now where do i put my porn? --------------------------- Push-up Push-up Push-up Write Write Write Drink milk Drink Tea Drink Juice That's what i do all day! it's very fun, try it folks! ------------------------------------------------------- Tare Tare Tare... (5 Comments |Comment on this)
3:50 am	stress lang yan... here i am again, quaffing down milk like a newborn calf. chugging down tea like a brit on a sunny afternoon of too many scones. belching out smoke like the exhaust of an ordinary bus running down EDSA... it's so obvious. i haven't successfully resolved my Freudian oral stage. the topics are finally here. i have to write 10 550-1000 word articles in 7 days. and no i can't really cram them into the last 2 days of the deadline (like a good UP student should), requirement is 4 in 2 days, 3 on the next 2 and 3 again on the last 2. oh sweet stress, come to me! i welcome you with a scrawny embrace and a nicotine-ridden kiss. all this for 1k. Jesus Christ! but you know what they say, "Beggars can't be choosers". it's 5 am, still haven't slept. im filling up my blog when i should be writing the article. HAHA! i need energy, Tare Panda! wala pa isang linggo, lowbatt na kagad! kailangan na mag-recharge! (11 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, July 4th, 2005
11:53 pm	self-service hmmm... just watched Friends and Joe Shmoe. i was writing an entry earlier but then the electricity fluctuated and reset my computer. i had already written about 5 paragraphs. oh well, i guess what i wrote was too self-serving anyway. even for a blog. just visit this ---> www.somethingawful.com it'll keep you laughing. especially photoshop phriday.